I've never been pulled over by two cop cars at once. I must say, the experience is quite exhilarating, and everyone should try it at least once in their lives.
Let's start at the beginning. There I was at Coffee Connection, being extremely studious (*deletes previous status updates*). I even stayed until closing: finished my coffee and salad, gave up on my investment write-up, packed my bag up, said goodnight to the wonderful staff. As I arrived at the stop sign to pull out onto State Street (now pay attention, this is where the story gets INTERESTING), I stopped, but as is characteristic of State Street, you have to drift into the road a TINY bit to be able to see around the cars parked along the side of it. Scintillating, I know. I drifted, waited for a car to pass through the intersection, and pulled out into the road. I quickly realized that I had pulled out in front of not just one cop car, but TWO. So, instead of accelerating to the full 35 miles per hour, I stayed at a healthy 29, just to get them to pass me.
**Sidenote: Police officers piss me off. I think that when one insists on following me on a multi-lane road, it is only fair for me to travel at LEAST 5 miles under the speed limit. You can just see them get irritated. It's a quick way to know if they are checking you out and planning on pulling you over. Usually, they just trot around you, failing to signal, plundering off into the night to cause mayhem and destruction elsewhere. However, as was the case tonight, you also KNOW that you are getting your ass pulled over if that cop car slows down to match your speed. End sidenote**
I was fully expecting one of the cars to pull me over, while the other continued on to do some evil bidding, but imagine my surprise, my exhilaration when both did so, AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. Those lights came on and it was as if those cop cars had a psychic connection, or perhaps more likely, those officers were sitting there on their radios, "Ok, on three.... 2, 2 1/2, and GO!" It was quite impressive.
I pulled over, trying to imagine what they were going to tell me I had done wrong. I mean, there are a few reasons why little ol' me would be pulled over with two cop cars:
-those French-Canadian workers that I often smuggle into the United States in my Mini Cooper. All the French Canadians think that UTAH is where the party's at, let me tell you.
-the bricks of cocaine that I stash in the back of my car for easy access... you truly never know when the urge will hit.
-or, even possibly that Atticus had escaped from my apartment and wandered down to Temple Square and was kissing other boy cats.
I am ashamed to admit that I failed to get the officer's name. For the purposes of this story, we shall call him Humphrey. Anyway, Humphrey approached me in customary police-officer-fashion.
Humphrey: Soooooo, you kind of blew through that stop sign back there......?
Me: Is that a question? No, I stopped, and drifted forward so I could see around the line of cars. You weren't even in my line of sight when I stopped.
Humphrey: Weeeellll, neither of us saw you stop.........
Me: Yeah, I would agree that it would have been hard to visualize me stopping if you couldn't see me at all.
[Insert confused look on poor Humphrey's face]
Humphrey: Well, I am going to need to check your license...
I handed him my license. Let my complete disappointment set in at just HOW anticlimactic this all was. Waited. Waited some more. Turned my car off. Got my phone out and checked Facebook (what can I say? I have a problem). Reclined my seat. Took a short nap in which I dreamt vividly about dolphins and ice cream. I was startled out of my slumber when Humphrey finally wandered back to my car.
Humphrey: Soooo, have you have anything to drink tonight?
Me: No.
Humphrey: That's what I thought. Okay, well, we will let you off with a warning.
Really? All that for a warning...? For not stopping? When I was pulled over for my DUI last year, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop. We discussed his tall boots while we waited thirty minutes for a four-wheeled vehicle to arrive. But, worry not, Salt Lake City is CRACKING DOWN on those nefarious stop sign runners! Watch out! I collected my license, buckled my seatbelt (Mom), put away my phone, turned my car back on, signaled and returned to the road. Humphrey and his cop buddy pulled out behind me. I continued down State street at a brisk 29 miles an hour.
I was fully aware that both Humphrey and his friend were still behind me. It was irritating, but let me tell you what was more irritating: as we pulled up to the red light at State and 200 South, both cop cars COMPLETELY ran the red light (I mean, didn't even PRETEND to touch the brakes), failed to signal, AND turned into the far lane without properly moving over. I was pissed. Irate even. Believe you me, if I had dear Humphrey's real name, I would be making a plethora of calls. Alas, I think I will simply settle for the letter I have crafted below.
Dear Salt Lake City Police Department,
While your officers are definitely lacking skills of observation, I thought I would let you know the hidden talent I have discovered right here among our esteemed law enforcers of Salt Lake City. Synchronized Swimming. Now, now, hear me out... If you have access to a pool(maybe you could work that into the budget?), I think you have some great untapped potential in the sport, and I truly to encourage you to endorse any involvement. Just imagine if we little people, here in Salt Lake City, had a TEAM!
Thank you for wasting my time, and have a delightful day!
V.King.
10/03/2009
08/26/2009
Bed
1- Today was amazing. I worked out twice. Once in the morning with Cori. And once in the evening. I love double days. They make me feel INCREDIBLE. Who cares if I won't be able to get out of bed in the morning?????
2- My classes seem to be pretty great. I am going forward full force with my Finance major. Though, I haven't let the school know that, and I suppose that MIGHT be an important element I am omitting...
3- I went and played games with my psycho pony. She threw a shoe, but the farrier is coming out on Friday, and he will get that all fixed for us. I need to get some current pictures of her.
4- I am in the process of deciding what to do with my bed. I need lights above it. I am having a hard time deciding whether to go with:
A: All white bedding, crazy colored lights.
or B: All white lights and crazy colored bedding.
Oh, here is a picture of my bed (which I am still utterly and completely smitten with, having just graduated from my twin sized bed of 20 years last MONTH)
I think I am going to go with all white lanterns, and maybe graduate from there to colored in the future. I can always change it.
