I haven't blogged in a long while. Usually that isn't a good sign, it means that I am either ashamed of something that happened and feel that I need to mention it in my blog, or I am just too unhappy to even fathom writing something about my life. I looked at my last entries, from over a month ago and had one of those "thank god I'm not there still" moments.
I was still hovering around the 200 pound mark then. And now, because I "failed" at school this semester, I have completely devoted myself to the most important thing in my life. Losing weight. And I have. It is so liberating to say that. 189.8. I don't even remember the last time I was in the 180s. It was over seven years ago. It is kind of mind boggling.
But my weight loss and focus has made EVERYTHING easier. None of the trivial things matter as much anymore. It takes a lot more to hurt me, because I have just become so blissfully selfish that if I am even a little upset, I work out. And it goes away. Like that. In fact the only thing that has upset me enough to not go away with a little sweat was the book that I finished today.
"Eating Animals", by Jonathan Safran Foer has changed my life. I knew when I started it, that I needed to congruently begin weaning myself off meat and into a vegetarian diet. I had read reviews of the book, and knew what I was getting myself into. A lot of people stop there when they hear something that might lead to a discussion about animal cruelty. It is a lot easier to not know. It sure makes it a lot easier to eat your Big Mac. I was one of those people, and I don't know what changed. I suppose that I accepted the fact that there was something fundamentally wrong with my thought process. How cowardly is it to consciously choose to not know something? I don't want to be a coward.
But, let me tell you. This book was hard. And I can confidently say that unless I am faced with some unlikely situation involving me being forced to eat meat, it is more than likely that I never will. I am not morally opposed to eating meat- if the animals are given a fair life and death. I love the taste. But, what we are eating is, more often than not, the product of a tortured life and an unbelievably cruel death. What I grew up understanding as the farming industry (with grass and tractors and cows on fields and chickens living in a space larger than my head) simply doesn't exist anymore. Instead we are faced with the unbelievable brutality of major corporations deciding to sacrifice any sense of welfare, just to turn a profit. Workers have come forward with video proof of acts that they call "common" that involve such obscene violence- completely UNNECESSARY violence- that I don't even feel comfortable repeating it here.
I have been in such a fit of rage today after finishing the book. I did my cardio and didn't even realize the time passing. I suppose I feel angry for not knowing sooner. For choosing to not know. No one wants to hear this stuff. You start a conversation about it and you are immediately considered a downer. Everyone is so attached to their food, their habits, that they won't even consider changing. It is the root of the problem in this country. I am not sure that I have ever felt so ashamed to be human as I was today.
But, in an effort to not let my education on the matter stop there (that would be really depressing) I am now reading Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal Vegetable Miracle". She and her family moved to North Carolina and pledged to consume nothing that they did not grow on their farm. Hopefully this will inspire me.
Please. If you read this blog. If you CARE at ALL about what you eat, what you consume, what you feed your family, where it comes from, how it affects the world, PLEASE read "Eating Animals". It will be hard. You know that already. But you deserve to be informed now. You deserve to not feel ashamed for choosing not to know. Please read it. I'll even send you my copy.
You can buy it here, too:
http://www.amazon.com/Eating-Animals-Jonathan-Safran-Foer/dp/0316069906
