Do you ever sit there and really wonder who you are? I do. I wonder what is genuinely ME and not the result of some outside force. Riding used to be ME. It was wholely a part of me, and something I could not fathom living without. But, I can live without riding. I do. Daily.
I wonder if I am really gay. If I am gay, or if I am just accepting that as the "ANSWER" to all my relationship mysteries. I am 99% sure I am gay. Anything I have ever felt has been for a girl. But what if I'm not? Does it matter? I don't especially care what other people think about it, but I would hate to tag myself with a label that wasn't me. I hate tagging myself with any labels.
I can sense that when I talk to my mom about being gay, she gets very uncomfortable and quiet. I know she doesn't approve of it. I know she loves me either way, but I also know that she doesn't approve. I haven't told many people, though. I told my old friend, Shandi, before we stopped talking. I told my mom. I told Alison. And now I have told Jillian. So, I guess my mom gets the brunt of my venting and confusion.
Do you know what I LOVE?
Hummus & Cucumber.
